Grief and Glory

One thing that no one will ever avoid is death. I've had so many conversations about death, grief, and loss over the last few months and although it can be frightening, me and grief…. we've met before. When we think of grief we always think of the loss of a loved one but grief also applies to the loss of something loved as well. My grief story started before the death of my dad and I'm grateful that God saw fit to put me on a path of healing before I would need it the most.

My Grief Story

In 2013, I was excited about life and starting over in so many areas of my life. It was five years after my divorce and I was excited about new love and the idea of getting married again and having another baby. The excitement was cut short though because I got sick. That summer I had a procedure that was supposed to make everything better but it only made matters worse. At the age of 31 I had to get a hysterectomy. I was crushed. I was devastated but I just had to push through and show up strong because that’s what women are supposed to do right 🤷🏾‍♀️ (rolls eyes). I cried for a week straight and everyone said it was just my hormones. I knew it was something much more than hormones. I was grieving the loss of my fertility and the plans that I made for my life. I was in a dark hole that I couldn’t pull myself out of.

At my lowest I cried out to God and he answered. The response pushed me to heal. “You were created to birth more than babies!!!” God showed me His glory. Every day I pursued him more and I healed a little more. I went to therapy once a week for a few months to help me process loss. I was grieving the loss of my marriage, the life I pictured in my head, the plans that I had for myself that I held on to tightly. Grief had been a part of my life for years and had brought its friends depression and anxiety to the party and they brought addiction.

I wrestled with grief so heavily because I struggled with control. I wanted to control every aspect of my life. I had to let go and realize that God in His infinite wisdom makes the plans and I just trust him with every step.

When my dad died it felt like the air had been sucked from my body but God’s glory showed up again. When I thought I had no more strength God showed up strong. In my darkest, moments God’s glory rescues me. Every day I make room for God to show up because I can’t afford to let grief overtake me again. The God that created the heavens and earth will show up for me mightily when I’m weak. He gave me tools to heal before I knew that I would even need them. He waited until I could trust Him in ways that I never knew I would need to before bringing me back to grief and I’m forever grateful. Everyday won’t be easy but every day I will trust Him.

Grief is something that we can’t go around, go under, or avoid. It’s too heavy to carry alone. You have to feel it and get help processing it.

Happy Healing,

Helen 💋